Just some general thoughts that I want to get out of my way...
Something that has been getting on my mind lately is my own work in real life. Surprisingly enough, even though I say I always don't have time to go on TE and play is a complete and utter lie that I have been making up for who knows how long. I do have the time, but I don't have the patience or the will to go on as I once did. I may be active on the weekends, but what do I really do there? Floor is Lava? That's basically it...
Sure this might come at a surprise and not as ideal to a leader, but to me sometimes I just don't have the willpower to do anything and/or don't have the help or support I need from my members to achieve my goals. Most of guys do your thing and I have nothing against that, but I've been struggling so long that I burned out multiple times over my course and I just want to come clean with you guys.
The one thing I have to say I'm most disappointed is on my officers and here is why. I chose you guys to represent Inconceivables and help me out with the most important things that is to run a faction, but sometimes I feel like you guys are no more important than a regular member. I haven't seen really any progress and/or help from you guys besides Classical, Daryl, justin (Who I wish was still here, God bless you buddy and hope you can get your life back on track), and Ropey (Not these those, but back in the old days of Inconceivables). For most of you guys, I don't blame you, you guys have other IRL stuff things to do or you just cannot help me like if it was a Creative project (Which is like what I usually ask for help with) and while it may seem that I'm throwing you guys under the bus, which is partly what I'm doing, I feel like the main person to blame is me for expecting much.
I mean after all, most of us are kids... Some of us don't take things seriously and as efficient or don't have a plan. Really the only people I can consider adults are Daryl, Alphautry, and Terry (HotLava), while the rest of us are significantly younger. Hell, I'm 15 and I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis here right now. The thought of this faction collapsing was a nightmare to me at one point, but I fear as if it is now going to become a reality. And to be fair, I'm not really one into getting more less experienced players into the faction, but the race to get others is just non-existent especially for me. I mean I feel like a lot more successful factions that I am seeing are most likely thanks to sometimes like TeamSpeak or their general hospitality I may be open, but some people just want to bash you in the ground when you're even trying to talk, which is exactly how I feel in the TE discord, I can't talk or else the "jokes" come firing down as if it was D-Day. Maybe people like me should be more optimistic and not hold grudges or actually try to resolves social conflicts one might suggest. But to me, that's not something I do because that's something I don't see as a priority... Sure you might want to change that Pixel, but honestly the short end is "I don't care". I hope I DO care in the long run, but this isn't a time for me.
For someone like me I see things in every negative light possible, and to be honest I think that is one reason why I sometimes don't feel to be fit for a leader. I'm greedy and a narcissist and I only want what's my best for this faction to rub it in people's faces. That was me Day 1, and that is still me today. Again not ideal for a faction leader, but can you really blame me? This is who I am, and this is what I was raised for to be :/
So what is all this bullshit that I, Pixel_Love, am trying to convey to you. Honestly I just want some more time off. Legit time off. I've been feeling down in the dumps from the work at my Private high school with all that pressure building up and I want to be more active in that community and more responsible. Hopefully I can see a more optimistic light if I actually try and do what I say, and I also want to try and hanging out with more of my friends in real life as I do feel lonely a lot these days and to be fair, TE is not helping at all.
For now, until I feel like I can go back and work on something productive, all operations will be held to _Classical_. I want you guys to treat with respect and if there is ever a dire situation you guys need, just DM me on Discord. If Class also needs at some point for me to hand over leadership then again just contact me on Discord as that is where I will be for most of my time. No, I am not leaving TE nor will I try to leave it. It's a 2nd home, but I feel like it's not the place for me right now. I will probably be here on the weekends, but probably not all day long.
tl;dr I'm Tired and I'm done. Not for good, but just for a while till I can get my life together. Classical will be in Head position until further notice.
P.S. If you really feel strong about something and want to post your opinion regardless what is being like "I understand how you feel Pixel" or "Pixel_Love, you piece of shit grow the fuck up and gtfo" or something like that than do it. Regardless what it is, I probably won't respond to it. But if you think that its a good place to troll and say "Well you said I can do it Pixel_Love " then close out of your browser. anyways, thanks...
Edit: Just wanted to add some extra info
Edited by Pixel_Love, 31 January 2018 - 02:47 AM.